I don't think that my kids are "bad kids". I think I have two very loud crazy rambunctious kids.
One of the best feeling in the world is managing to make it to the store when your kids have eaten, napped, and woke up on the right side of their toddler bed. And on these days when you are shopping with your little angels, you hear a screaming tyke in the background. Leah gives me a funny look and says, "oh, the baby's sad". I say something around the idea of "Yeah, doesn't she look silly" (Hopefully shaming any future incidents)
And then the parent, looking at my beautiful, quiet, little angels, uses them as the example. "Look at those babies, they are being so good, and quiet. I bet they'll get a prize"
In my head, I'm doing a goofy dance, saying Booyah!, my kids are awesome, and you bet your bottom my kids are getting Candy! Maybe they'll get candy ALL DAY. How 'bout a pony my sweet lil' darling. Overboard, but it feels like winning the lottery.
Today, I got the pleasure of having "the other kids". Now I've only been parenting for 3 years now but I've seen my fair share of phases. The biting phase, hitting, screaming, food throwing, non-sleeping, and most recently the "No" phase. And today was not my day to battle a two year old. I decided to go find a book, and silly me, I actually asked opinions on which book to read, knowing full well what happens when I go to the store with my kids. I fill my cart with leggings, but no matching shirts, snack cakes, shampoo, but not conditioner. That's a mildly tame list but I've walked away with some odd combos.
Today's Goal: Find a new book
Today's Result: Got a book and accomplished the 8 levels to an angry Mom
Level 1: The Nice Mommy
We arrived at the bookstore. I said to Leah, "You're going to be a big girl, right?"
Yeah, I knew what I was in for
Level 2: The Bargain
"Leah, I bet if you're a really good girl, we will find you a book"
(we have a lot of books at our home)
Level 3: The Warning
We usually spout off a line like "That's not nice, please don't be a bad girl"
Level 4: The Bribe
By this point Leah was fully engaged in Terrible Two Mode, throwing out No's like they're going outta style. But I was hellbent on finding a book so I initiated the Bribe.
Slightly more intricate than the bargain.
"Ooohh, look Leah, a DORA book. AND I bet if you let mommy even read one title of any single book in this store we'll go to McDonald's (insert Game Show voice)
Level 5: The Crazy Eyes And Finger Point
With eyes bugging out of my head and pointer finger out I gave her my best
"DO NOT MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN"
Level 6: Courtesy Hand/Butt smack
This level is usually frowned upon, but since I've now exhausted 5 previous levels I've tapped her little fingers and threw in some crazy eyes with a side of "Don't touch another single thing"
Level 7: The Threat
I've given up hope and throw out a "I guess you aren't getting your book and certainly no McDonald's"
Level 8: The Plea
"Please, please, please just act like a functioning human being while I look for one book"
I've made it to the counter, 2 books in hand, and the cashier gives me look like can't you Wrangle your little Heathens for a few seconds.
I made it to the car, strapped the kids in, and thought to myself; "If someone paid me a million dollars to name 1 of the 2 books I purchased, I don't think I could. Neither one"
So to my surprise, I open my bag and discover;
Some point, in the parenting section, this apparently looked appealing. But hey, I accomplished Today's goal!
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