All I want for Christmas...

 

Ahhhhhhhhhh. Christmas is over. I've tried tackling the mounds of gifts a few times now, but I think I might snuggle up in Leah's new princess sleeping bag. However, this Christmas has been a welcome change to a few celebrations we've had in the past.

 

For the longest time, I firmly believed that Leah hated Holidays, Celebrations, or any kind of Good time. Unfortunately, Bill and I were most likely the reason.

 

Like any other time I've had to plan something, I was a frantic, sweaty, frazzled mess. I had been planning Leah's party for months. Basically, since the day she was born, I was planning this party. Pink and green everywhere. 50 people invited. Balloons covered the scene. What could go wrong? Oh yeah, I have a baby, that's what could go wrong.

On the most important day of Leah's life, to date, she didn't take a nap. What are the chances? Friends and family quietly rocked her before the rest of the guests arrived and things were looking okay, as far as a first birthday can go. Then, the moment everyone had been waiting for. The smash cake. The moment, in a perfect world, when she would tear this thing to shreds and leave no survivors. Bill and I had that "new parents look", this would be a memory we would carry with us forever; The moment we would begin to sing and she would...Grab a hold of the candle. Tears instantly followed. I secretely cried in shame. There were gasps, and then mostly silence. At least I think there was. I couldn't hear anything over her screaming. I'm pretty sure the party ended there. She wanted nothing to do with that flaming, death trap, her parents tried to feed her, and she wanted nothing to do with her presents either.

The following Christmas, we had hope. 19 months is a good age to understand presents. Not Leah. She screamed, and begged to go take a nap. Two days worth of parties and families to visit and not one single gift was opened by Leah. Even 2 month old Liam opened more gifts than her.

Once again, it was Birthday time. I knew that we would get this right. However, Bill was convinced that at another year older, Leah would know not to touch the candle. I begged him to not to....and she burnt her hand again. Leah officially hates Holidays.
Even at Easter, when my dad had constructed a Pinata for the kids, she wanted nothing to do with it! She has had enough of the Celebrations.

I was bound and determined to get this straightened out. The day after Thanksgiving, and not a moment sooner, only because Bill has a "No Christmas before Thanksgiving" rule, I exuded Christmas spirit. I made that Jolly old elf her best friend in the entire world. He would bring her everything her little mind could imagine. She would have heaps and mounds of candy, come Christmas, if only she would show a little, tiny, glimpse of Joy on Christmas Day.
We watched every Cartoon Christmas movie available to us and busted out all the Carols in the car. Then a light clicked on. I think she was getting the idea. She begged to watch the Grinch, and to have Bill read it every night. She was excited to see Santa at the mall and cheered when we saw Santa at Wal-mart.
Did I actually Manage to get Leah excited about a Holiday?
Only Christmas would tell.
When the big moment arrived, I was leery. She didn't much like the idea that she couldn't open every present to play at that second. I winced a little, and reassured her the exact millisecond we get home, that sleeping Dora doll and Tent will be your Dream come true. And then I heard it. Her little ecstatic voice say, "Open presents, please". I sighed a 2 and half year, sigh of relief in waiting. Leah enjoyed a Holiday. It wasn't the gifts, snow, or Jewelry that had I wanted for Christmas, but to see Joy and Magic light up my children's faces.

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful"
 



Love is Louder

 

I can't turn the news off. Even if my TV is off, my mind is still reeling. I've spent 3 days crying in sadness, grief, and fear. I do not know these children but I know their stories, and they seem all too close to home. "Loves to color", "Lights up the room", " Such a Joy". It sounds familiar because we've all uttered these words about our own babies.

 

Days before this tragedy I found my self to be a "YouTube Enthusiast". When my kids fell asleep I was entranced with some of these videos. I watched for about 3 hours. Soldiers surprising their loved ones, Families announcing they were expecting. I watched all to see one thing, over and over. Pure Human Emotions. Joy, Relief, Excitement.

 

Friday I spent the morning with my own family. We went to see Santa, the kids played at the Play Park, and we went to Lunch. During lunch I had taken the kids, who were getting cranky by this point, to the car to let Bill finish his meal in peace. I opened Facebook on my phone and began to Sob. This just didn't and still doesn't make sense to me.

After everyone had fallen asleep, I still couldn't put my mind to ease.

I repeated this to myself. "There is still Good in this world"

I opened Youtube and began to search. I watched probably 75 videos of "Acts of Kindness"

There is Still Good in this world

I need to forget what I saw on the News

There is Still Good in this World

....and over and over again.

 

2 months ago when I started writing, I had a post called Give without Sparing. I want to be a good influence for my children. I will breed Love and Tolerance. Have I lived my life like this since I've posted? Probably not.

I decided I will make a better effort.

 

Generally acts of kindness are done Anonymously. In my case I NEED to tell you what I've done, as an example so I not only affect them, but I start a fire in my community. I started at McDonald's.

I decided I would go just to pay for someones order. A construction truck pulled in behind me and i was disappointed. I was hoping for maybe a Mom or someone who looked like they could use it. And then I realized what I just thought. I was stereotyping my act of kindness. I paid for their meal. My mind was again, reeling. Maybe they just said Thanks and drove away. Maybe they paid for the person behind them. Kindness has no limits.

 

"There can still be good in this world"

 

Here is what I have planned/or have done so far

 

1. Donate Blood

2. Buy a strangers meal

3. Call someone who needs my call

4. Donate to the Salvation Army

5. I left Dollar Bills on the games at Walmart

6. Donate books to the Library

7. Donate a Pack of Diapers

8. Send Christmas cards to local workers

9. I donated a toy to Toys for Tots

10. I donated some canned foods

11. I brought carts in the parking lot inside the store.

 

...and I'm not done yet. I plan on doing 27 Intentional acts of Kindness and hopefully 100's after these.

 

I, 100%, no doubt about it, believe that I can make this world a better place. If not the world, than my Family, or the stranger who needed a free meal.

 

 

LOVE IS LOUDER



Unrealistic Expectations

 

Have you ever heard the line, Romantic Comedies have given Women Unrealistic Expectations about Romance? I hear this all the time, from my own husband even.

 

I have to admit, I am a sucker for Romantic Comedies. Who wouldn't want John Cusack standing outside of your window holding a Boom Box over his head, blasting a love song? Or for the Man of your dreams to come kiss you while standing on a baseball mound, in front of Hundreds of people? I want Gerard Butler, from P.S. I Love you, reminding me to live life if you aren't here with me, and of course Channing Tatum in The Vow, reliving our first moments so I could remember our lives together. Who can forget when Heath Ledger serenaded Julia Stiles in front of the whole Soccer team or that Kiss from the Notebook.

 

Have these movies honestly given me an unrealistic outlook on Love?

Sitting on my couch, forcing Bill to watch another one of these movies, where I laugh and cry, and think to myself, "Wouldn't that be wonderful". But seriously, is it really that Unrealistic?

 

Over the past two years with Bill, I've probably complained that he hasn't wooed me in these Hallmark ways. No Flowers on Valentines day and no grand gestures on random days of the week. Where is all the Romance? However, every time we get into the car, and I turn on the radio, Bill hears this; "I love this song, it reminds me of you". I say this all too often, and the more I look at my life, the more I realize I'm not living a Romantic Comedy, I'm living a Romantic Country song....if you don't like mushy stories, I suggest you stop reading.

 

Day after day, song after song, I am moved to tears, and laughter, thinking how much these songs remind me of the Man I am so in love with, and how much he does for me everyday.

 

An' it's the way that she looks with the rice in her hair.
"Eatin' burnt suppers the whole first year
"An' askin' for seconds to keep her from tearin' up.
"Yeah, man, that's the good stuff."

-Kenny Chesney

 

I can't even begin to list how many horrible meals I have made. Undercooked, overcooked, flavorless, bizarre, etc. He has sat down at dinner, and told me that Dinner was good. I have someone willing to lie rather than crushing my feelings.

 

" I could tell that got her attention, So I said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I wouldn't trade a single day  For 100 years the other way."She just smiled and rolled her eyes, Cause she's heard all of my lines, I said, "C'mon on girl, seriouslyIf I hadn't been so lucky
I'd be shootin' pool in my bachelor pad.Playing bass in my cover band.Restocking up cold Bud Light, For poker every Tuesday night, yeah I'd have a dirtbike in the shed,And not one throw pillow on the bed,I'd keep my cash in a coffee can, But if I was a single man, Alone and out there on the loose Well I'd be looking for a woman like you."

-Lee Brice

 

This is one of my absolute favorite songs. And it's probably the 3rd or 4th song that I've named, "Bill and I's song", but for right now this is the official. I laugh at the lyrics, he does too, because it is beyond true. I've completely ruined his status as a "football fan", he has a child friendly vehicle, and we have about 10 throw pillows on our bed and every couch in the house. But he sucks it up, because he loves me.

 

"There's dirty shirts to wash
Dishes in the sink to do
And there's how many times
Does 17 go into 52
There's bedtime prayers to pray
Sleep tights and I love you's
And then there's a pair of eyes
I get to lose myself into .What keeps me keepin the faith
What makes me believe I can
Family man .They're a world my world revolves around
My sacred piece of solid ground
The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand
They are a fire in my drivin on
The drive behind my comin home
The livin, breathin, reason that I am
A family man "

-Craig Campbell

 

And this is the song that brings me to tears. It's the simple things that makes him The man of my Dreams. He wakes up with the kids so I can sleep in, he spontaneously does the dishes when I just feel like sitting on the couch, and he selflessly agrees to take family photos, play board games on Saturdays, and sings "I'm a little teapot" 1,800 times a day.

 

He is the world my world revolves around, and I'd rather have Ordinary everyday, than a Grand Gesture, once in a lifetime.

 



Comparison is the Thief of Joy

It's been a while...In fact it's been so long, I've almost forgotten which font I normally use.

It's taken me a while to get back to this. Not because I've had nothing to write about. I've had tons and tons to write about in the last few weeks. Thanksgiving, Road Trips, 50th Birthday Parties, Christmas Shopping...

 

But every night, when I tuck the kids in, and sit at my computer. I stare at the screen that asks me if I have anything new to write.

 

Of all the Sins that I've "committed" in my life, there is none that plague  me as much as Coveting. But today, I'd rather call it "Comparison".

 

When they say, "Comparison is the Thief of Joy" they, whoever they are, must have learned the Hard way. As I do, mostly, everyday.

I haven't written because I sit at my computer and read tons of other blogs, that are, well, amazing. These people actually get paid to do this. They are fantastic at what they do, they go to conferences to learn how to be better, and I just sit at home, wondering if I'm really that relatable. I've been told that everyone loves reading my blogs, but that doesn't stop me from thinking otherwise. Am I still funny, honest, and relative?

 

Comparison doesn't just haunt my blogging life, it hinders my entire life.

 

I love my kids to the Moon and back, but they have this way of getting in the car with their clothes on, hair brushed, and clean faces. However, when we get to the store, it looks like they fell out of an ad for a Tide commercial. They have taken their shoes and socks off, rubbed their heads into the seats to do wild things to their hair, and have dug up dirt or food to rub all over their once clean faces. 9 times out of 10 I am alone with the kids. When I left the house, my hair was down, I looked nice. By the time I got to the store I'm sweating, my hair is up in a messy bun, and I look like a mess. I know, or at least think I know what people are saying. I'm a young girl, with two kids, by my self, who is clearly a mess...and they go on shaking their heads.

 

Why Can't I look older? Why Can't I look like I have it all together?

 

Whenever I met Bill, I compared him to meeting a Greek God. I was hypnotized. He's funny, and smart, and yeah, the other obvious aspects he has to offer. I however, at 22 just learned how to apply eye liner properly, and I'm just gonna say it....I'm about 25 lbs over weight. This may or may not have anything to do with my love affair for junk food. But in the back of my head, more often than not, I think, "What the heck is he doing with me?"

 

Why can't I just find more time to exercise, or eat less, or maybe grow an inch or 2?

 

This cycle goes on and on and on. I don't like the way my house looks, or my furniture, or my clothes. I don't know how to do anything with my hair, have I run out of jokes to tell, or interesting things to say?

 

Comparison is the Thief of Joy.

 

I know my kids love me. I know my husband loves me. Why can't I stop comparing myself to everyone around me? Comparison made me stop writing, and made me pick up a bowl of cookie dough. I don't want pity, just understanding. I only air out my dirty laundry because I'd rather be honest than anything else. As long as I'm comparing myself to the world, about all, at least I know I'm truthful. Which is something, most can't say anymore.

So I'll take my honesty, and everything I have to be thankful for, and work a little harder tomorrow.

 



Rest In Peace

 

With Halloween not far behind us, Bill and I found ourselves watching a few different shows about phobias. We were talking on the phone and I said, I don't really think that I am afraid of anything, except death. I can't decide if I'm afraid of dying, or what I'll leave behind. It scares me to think I might become one of those sitcoms cliches where one parent is missing. But the truth is, I don't really know how to feel about death itself.

 

With the way Bill's job is, I've gotten very used to disappointment. Counting down the days and expecting him to be home, someone to sleep beside at night (besides Liam). I got another phone call shattering all hope. I hung up the phone and cried. Not the kind where you keep on going with whatever you were doing at the moment, but this was the kind where I put down whatever was in my hand and sobbed. I was actually that sad, and that disappointed. Was this the correct emotion? I know how to feel disappointed and work my way through it, but I can't figure out how to feel about death.

 

With tonight's tragic passing of one of our Schools teachers, I started thinking about my experiences in these situations. I can remember being at my Pap's funeral. My Uncle Sam held me the whole time. I was a child, maybe 6. I can't quite remember but I was emotionless. Obviously I didn't grasp the entirety of the situation but I still felt nothing.

5 years ago, this past Summer, I remember waking up and deciding I was going to work late. I worked at a Summer Camp that was right down the road from me. I had no particular reason to go to work late, but I just wasn't ready to go. A few hours later when I arrived one of my coworkers had just gotten to work too. He was a volunteer EMT and Firefighter. We were casually talking about our days when I asked where he was at. All he could say was Since the parents were Notified he could tell me her name was Nicole Thompson. I stopped, and a million things ran through my head. I felt numb. This girl wasn't family, she wasn't really my friend, but I had gone to school with her for 12 years. I watched her grow up, as much as she did me.

I remember this like it was yesterday, but I started walking one of the trails at the camp. It was raining and I just felt this urge to run. I was running and crying my eyes out. Not knowing what to say, or feel, or think. How can someone in the background of my life, cause so much emotion. We had never hung out. We talked in class, but never on the phone. She was literally in the background of my life. I went to her funeral. I held back the tears thinking I didn't deserve to cry over someone I never really got to know outside of school. She was there at every dance I was at, 6th grade graduation, on the same playground as me, day in and day out but I never really knew her. I still think about her, a lot actually. I pass the site of her accident every time I go to my house. I think about her when I'm driving in the car for no reason. Sometimes I even look at her myspace to see her pictures frozen there in time.

I worked with another girl, Mellissa. Bill and I actually both knew her. We worked together for over a year. She was the kind of girl you looked at the schedule and hoped you were working with her. I remember reading on facebook that she had gotten sick, and it was a surprise to us when she passed away. It never phased Bill or I to go visit her. She was just someone in the background that we knew. And again, tonight, a teacher I had in high school, has passed away. He was a substitute for a few years; The kind that you loved having. The kind where you could have fun, and watch movies during weight training and it was ok. When he was a full time teacher he was even on my Senior Class trip. I've had multiple conversations with this man and never thought twice about them again.

 

It surprises me how greatly everybody in life affects each other. These "background people" that live among us have greater impacts than we even realize. I spent time talking, and working beside, and even growing up beside these people and never thought there would be a day when they weren't there. Years later, I'm still thinking about these people. You've had a greater impact on my life than you or I would have ever thought.

 

Rest In Peace.

The Thanksgiving Experiment

 

Now that I've finally cleaned up from this weekend, and have eaten my weight in Thanksgiving leftovers, I can finally write about my misadventures.

 

As far back as first grade, I have probably been dreaming about my life as a wife and mother. Not just your ordinary Wedding day dreams, but very in depth day dreams about day to day life. I can remember sitting in class thinking to myself, I wonder what my future husband is doing at right this second. Who would have thought he was right across the parking lot, most definitely NOT dreaming about a 1st grader.

Some days I actually thought about a point in time when I would have to cook Thanksgiving dinner. Now, I've always thought of myself as an "ok cook".

When I got my first apartment I was working as a waitress and was learning a lot of "tricks of the trade". I would invite my family over for dinner, sometimes 10 people would show up. In retrospect they were probably just trying to not shatter all hopes and dreams I had as a human being while eating my kitchen experiments. In recent years I had put off this childhood day dream. I've come to realize I do NOT want this kind of pressure on me. Thanksgiving is kinda a big deal, and we all know how Danielle gets in these situations. So when out of nowhere I got this notion that I would cook this amazing dinner for my Family. I called up a few people, set the date, confirmed and hung up the phone.....What had I just done? Had I completely lost my mind? I have never cooked for this many people. I have never watched anyone preparing a Turkey. I don't even eat anything other than Turkey or Mashed Potatoes on Thanksgiving....This was a bad idea. I bit off more than I could chew. I talked myself off the ledge, climbed back up it, talked myself off it again, Shopped, Re-shopped, shopped some more, pinned 18 different desserts I wanted to make... This is ridiculous, it can't possibly be this hard.

I finally bought the Turkey 3 days before the event. It was a 21lb turkey. After reading about 30 different websites I apparently had missed the part about setting out the Turkey 3 days prior. I was already off to a bad start....

 

Friday night came in a hurry. I had the Turkey in the sink changing the water every half hour like the 30 different websites said to defrost it. But all I could think about was stuffing it. When I got a look inside the Turkey I made a reference to Bill about it being like a pumpkin, and scraping all the goo off the inside. I could tell he was holding back sarcasm, but in light of the situation he simply said, "No, it's nothing like a Pumpkin"

 

 

My "You have got to be kidding me, right?" face

And Bill saying, "It's not Gross!"

 

First challenge, Completed. The turkey was stuffed. Now the real debate came. Cook it 30 minutes for every pound, the Internet said 7 hours, the label said 4 1/2. I couldn't decided if it'd be better to eat at 9:00 at night or have the turkey done 5 hours early.

I silently thought to myself, "I deep down inside, must crave situations to prove my incompetence" but then again...Everyone has had a First Turkey Experience. Everyone has Burnt something...

My sweet Husband usually makes non-funny jokes about women in the kitchen. He does it jokingly, but without any question he helped me with everything on Saturday. He crushed Oreos for my cheesecake, sliced apples for the Apple Crumble, and together we peeled and cut about 10lbs of potatoes.

 

 

And this was the end result. I can't remember exactly how it went in my day dreams when I was younger, but this had to be close. Most of the people I love, all in the same room, just enjoying each other's company.

 

My Final thoughts for this Thanksgiving;

Life is Good

and...

I'll work on the uptight thing :)

 

 



The Epidemic Among Us

 

Has anyone else noticed the epidemic among us? Everyone and their sister is having a baby. The other day I mentioned to someone that I could name 15 women off the top of my head that were expecting, and this number is only growing! So of course, yesterday I found myself at a baby shower. It got me thinking about one of mine last year. We played a game that involved passing Advice on to the expecting mother. "Nap when the baby naps", "The Cleaning can wait til tomorrow", "Accept help when it's offered".

Well I'm calling BS on all of it, in my opinion at least. Whether or not we were going to play this game at the baby shower, I couldn't seem to come up with any advice at all. I love my kids to the moon and back but why couldn't I think of one, just one positive thing to say.

I don't think I've ever napped when my kids are napping and I'm certainly not putting cleaning off until tomorrow. That just leaves a bigger mess...tomorrow. And if People are coming to "help" me, I certainly do not want to look incompetent and have a messy house. This is the way my brain works.

I recently read an article by Dan Pearce about 16 ways to blow your marriage. He describes his family on the eve of his sister's wedding and everyone is giving her encouraging advice on Marriage. Dan, with two failed marriages had only jokes about what NOT to do. So, as I was laying in bed the other night, exhausted from the days events of "Don't sit on your brother" and "Stop trying to drown yourself in the bathtub" I could only think of a thousand reasons NOT to have a kid. First off, this baby shower was a surprise. This definitely wouldn't work for me since I had been rotating 3 pairs of sweat pants for the last week. Children do Miraculous things for your body. I'm pretty sure I haven't slept in 3 years (Bill will say otherwise) and when I'm looking at pictures of myself from 3 years ago, I can visibly see the difference the stress has caused. It's like looking at the President after 4 years in office. Yes, I'm comparing my Job to running the Nation. As I'm typing this on my Beautiful Life-sucking Heaven of a couch I have, all I can smell is vomit (Really makes you want to come to my house, huh?)

Maybe you caught me on a bad week to ask such Life Altering questions, but why do we love our children so unconditionally? Let me tell you a little about my babies.

 

Leah...What can I say about Leah? She came into this world the exact same way she will probably leave it. Kicking and Screaming and on her terms. She is Fiery and Spunky and She Commands attention wherever she goes. Any time Bill and I brought her out, people would say she is the happiest baby, which could instantly change in a second. Leah is the comic relief of my day. She makes us laugh when she knows she's in trouble and finds joy in the smallest things.

 

Liam came into this world, again on his terms. I begged for him to come out. I walked and Jogged and squatted til I finally asked to be induced. But he decided to come out just on time, he wouldn't settle for anything else. Liam is the sweetest little boy in the world. He's so Gentle and Smart. At 13 months he's not sleeping through the night, but he makes cuddling at 2am seem like such a great idea. He makes us laugh because from day one he can't stay awake longer than 5 minutes of a car ride. He's fearless and is bound and determined to be a trailblazer.

 

 

Do these things make sense to anyone else? It's the exact opposite of advice. I really have no advice on what to do or how to survive til the next day. I can't not explain my profound love for my children or the desire to have more. It is an unexplainable joy disguising itself as an exhausted, overworked, and starving burden. I find myself at the end of the day shaking my head in amazement and laughing to myself that something or someone could knock you off your feet and rock you to the core.

So, all in all, in my round about way, I offer this to you. My advice; Just enjoy. Enjoy the Unconditional Love, the sleepless nights, and the Endless tears because babies are only babies once.


"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep"



Bucket List

 

 

I have had a no good, awful, down right rotten, week. I have had the kind of week where you are already angry and instead of going safely around the corner you jam your pinky toe as hard as you can into the nearest object. The kind of week when your kids Scream bloody murder in the grocery store, party all night long, and pee on the floor. I have had the kind of week where I feel like my kids are actually trying to kill me. I firmly believe that it's never too late to start the day over, which I've done about 75,000 times this week but I have just had enough. To make it worse I didn't ration enough Soda, and this water I'm drinking feels like Poison coursing through my body. And in the way my Brain works I thought to myself...I should make a bucket list in case my Kids actually succeed this week.

 

So This Is the Start of it...

Now I do have things on my list like Skydive and Base jump but there are so many things that I want to do, that I have no reason NOT to be doing them.

 

So, In No Specific order, this is my "I'm going to regret not doing the little things" Bucket List

 

 

1. Sing Karaoke (I've been on stage numerous times for Drama Club and Speech League, but the idea of singing Karaoke is terrifying to me)

 

2. Ride a Mechanical Bull

 

3. I'd really enjoy having a great set of Abs...this is last on my list because I think I'll probably get struck by lightening if this should happen

 

4. Bake a Chocolate Souffle (I've heard it's really hard)

 

5. Take a Road Trip strictly to see America's Oddities.

Every Time we go to Allentown, we pass this Miniature Village. I've thought about going numerous times but we have never gone.

 

6. I'd like to know anything about Cars..

 

7.  I'm going to Dye myself Orange.

By this I mean, I bought Spray Tan and I'm trying to work up the courage to use it

 

8. Get to the Center of a Tootsie Roll Pop without Biting it...

 

 9. Now I have done both of these in my lifetime, but I sadly can't remember the last time I did either

Do a Cartwheel and Roll Down a Small Hill

 

10. Cook Thanksgiving Dinner for my Family

This will come to fruition next weekend. I had always thought there would be someone else in my life hosting Thanksgiving, but my Brain must have had a Meltdown when I volunteered to do this. I know they'll love me no matter what.

 

I realize this is only one bad week. Hopefully I will have a hundred more horrible weeks. But if I don't, I don't think I'm going to be mad that I never went Skydiving or Rode in a Hot Air Balloon.

I'd rather know that I passed a Tradition on to my kids or I learned to Appreciate my love handles. I want to Forget my Umbrella on purpose, Tear down a wall (literal or otherwise), and have no regrets about eating an entire box of Oreos in one sitting.

 

I'm having a horrible week but I know Life is Good

 



Bake your fears away

 

I never thought there would be a time in my life when I stayed awake at night, listening to another human being breathing. Maternal Instinct; an innate knowledge of how to take care of a child without having prior experience or teaching. They say most of the thoughts you think on a daily basis are things that will never happen. It's just dreaming of the Worst case Scenario.

On the outside, I am a very relaxed Mom. My kids eat things off the floor, They lick the shopping cart at the grocery store (gross, I know), and they have no qualm about sharing germs. On the inside, I've been in Panic Mode since Day 1. Will they stop breathing when they are sleeping or how many falls can they take til it actually hurts.

I've looked a lot of these fears straight in the face.

A few months ago heading home from vacation we were in a 3-car accident. My maternal instinct told me to go give the Driver who caused the accident a piece of my mind and to rip Liam out of his car seat just to hold him. Both bad ideas. This woman hit two cars filled to the brim with kids and their parents. I bawled the entire way home thinking of the What-Ifs. I didn't want to drive ever again. I rotated leaving one or both of my kids at a sitters if I had to run errands. My instinct told me to protect my kids, even if it meant living my life in fear. I fear that Leah's CF will take her. I fear that people will make fun of my kids differences. So in the face of a Hurricane last night, in between Liam's 20 minute naps he calls sleeping, I listened to him breathing. Here I was worried about Flooding, and Power outages, or if we will have heat and he's probably wondering what he'll have for breakfast. So today I'm baking. Some people think while in the shower, I ponder life over a bowl of cookie dough. I will bake my fears away and simply enjoy the look on my kids faces when they know I've made cookies.

....And if anyone is wondering how our weekend went, it was great.

 

(Liam ready to go to Pap and Gram's)

 

Friday Night was date night. As promised I got something new at the restaurant. Bill and I always end up at the Local BBQ place and I always get the Pulled Pork. Now because it's a BBQ place there weren't tons of new things to try, but I got the ribs. The only thing I've ever had to compare it to were the ribs they gave us in our High School Cafeteria. Needless to say these were much better. After that we went to see Taken 2. Poor Bill said jokingly one time, " If I would have known you talk during movies, I probably wouldn't have married you". After 30 seconds of the movie and I had already asked 3 questions, I knew I was bad.

BUT the real fun came on Saturday; Conquering 3 new meals/appetizers and countless new techniques.

The Red Lobster Biscuits were so delicious and So easy!
I don't know why I've never tried something like this before!

 

This is my Roasted Potatoes and Asparagus. I have never had Asparagus, let alone tried to cook it. So simple and it was delicious. There are tiny pieces of Garlic mixed in as well. I usually just skip right for the garlic salt if I want Garlic, but crushing a bulb and cutting the cloves was totally worth the freshness.

And Finally my Jalapeno Popper Chicken. This was beyone Amazing! I have been seriously missing out on how great food can be. I butterflied the chicken and stuffed it with cream cheese????? and Jalapenos. Never would have thought cream cheese and chicken went together. I had enough Jalapenos to put some on top. Can't wait to make all of these again, and I'm sure Bill can't either! 

 



Let's Get on the Ball Here...

I tend to think of myself as a very organized person. I like charts an lists and the facts right where I can seem them. I am an over preparer and over packer. Yes, I am that woman who packs the entire house for a weekend trip. Bill always says that I pack too much. I reply with Well than Next time you can pack...we all know my OCD will never let that happen.
Lately, Ive been coming across a lot of pins that deal with "Household Binders". I was intrigued and realized these women has found a way to become more organized.
And I'll be honest that ever since I've become an avid "doer" other aspects of my life have been put on the back burner. So I've jumped on this task to kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Be a doer...and not slack in other places.
Here is what I cam up with :

 

The First section is for things you want to remind yourself of Daily. I have 3 months of Calendars for scheduling. Maybe you have something like Devotionals to put in or what not.

 

The Last part of my Daily Section is my cleaning list. Sounds crazy, but it helps me remind my self of the little things to do and what to do on a monthly basis.
I read on a another blog that you if you are busy or running late, devote 3 minutes to each room in your house. Quickly sweep the kitchen, make your bed, or pick up toys.
It instantly changes the look of each room and the feel of your house.

Section 2: Emergency Numbers and Addresses
I probably send everyone in my family a text or email once a month asking for their address. I never write them down, I just ask all over again. So I finally put an end to that.

 

 

I didn't include my Address pages on here for Obvious reasons but here is my Emergency Number Page.

Why didn't I have one of these before?! Sure I know 911, but Poison Control isn't exactly something I want to be googling at the last second.

There are also phone numbers of who should be contacted in case of an emergency. A good thing to have if you have babysitters in your home.

 

 

Also in other Household Binders, a few women included Medical Information about their children and themselves. Photographs, fingerprints, and Insurance Information.

 

Our next section is a given: Finance

The number 1 fight between spouses is MONEY

Bill and I are no different. This section was a must

 

 
Starting November 1st we are writing down every penny we spend. You mark which catergory it goes in to see where you can afford to cut back.

This is our "Financial Goal" Sheet. Goals for 0-6 months 6-12 and over a year.
For example; I want a new kitchen table. One that preferably fits the 4 of us. We write down our Goal, how much it cost, when we want to have it by, and how much we need to put back each week/month. Other things also going on our list; a 2nd car and a down payment for our house.

The Last thing in my Financial Section is a Bill and Budget Sheet (not pictured)
I made a list of our Bills. I budged for Gas, Groceries, and Misc. This way I could have a visual of just how much money we have to work with at the end of a month.

 

And Finally, My last and favorite Section: Meal Planning

I'll be the first to admit that I've tried to defrost frozen food at the last second. And Bill and I are not strangers at the OIP down the street. Our Solution has arrived.

 

The First Page is a blank Calendar. This is where you take the time to write down EVERY MEAL YOU'LL MAKE THIS MONTH. I made a list (still working on it) of 35-40 meals. When I get a better idea of Bill's work schedule, I'll fill in the days. My goal is to not repeat a meal.

Which leads me to my next page. The weekly list. When you have your month filled out, or maybe it's easier for you to do it weekly, you can make a grocery list. It's a good way to stick to a budget. When I have my meals planned out I could probably within $5 tell you how much I need to spend.

The last page is my "Master Shopping List"
I simply wrote down everything I know we eat in our house. Ingredients we use, snacks for the kids, or our drinks. Simple way to make up your grocery list.

 

This. Section is also a good place to store your recipes!

I hope it helped everyone! Let's get organized!
Click here to see a few sites where I got my Printables

Trying New Things

 

Part of getting into a new habit means investigating your old ones.

I love to try new things! I however do NOT like to try new foods!

I've always been a Meat, Cheese, and Potato kinda girl. What's wrong with a Burger and wings. NO SALAD FOR THIS GIRL! I remember trying a few things growing up but I generally stick to the basics. When I met Bill he made me try everything...EVERYTHING. After a while, It was obvious I needed to try almost everything.

My short list would be; Ranch Dressing, Blue cheese dressing, pickles, french onion dip, any kind of beer he bought, basically any vegetable, and the list goes on and on.

Why I don't like these things, I don't know? I'm not allergic so I know it wouldn't literally kill me to try it. But at a restaurant, I won't order something I've never had because who wants to waste money. And same goes for the Grocery store.

So since I now have no logical reason not to try these things, I had to expand my menu options. Within a few months of Bill and I being married he would tell people on Monday I made Chicken and Noodles. Tuesday I made Noodles and Chicken. He'd say, "See, she thinks it's a whole different meal if you switch the words around" I know he loves me so I usually just laughed it off. It's true though. Bland Boring Meals. Food should be fun!

 

This summer I went to our local Farmers market and came across great deals for Zucchini, Squash, and Eggplant. I had no idea what I was going to do with this. No Idea at all. I went home, jumped on the Internet and found an awesome recipe. For starters I had no idea how to even cut an Eggplant??? Or Squash??? You know that saying "fake it til you make it" Yeah that's me. I ended up making an Eggplant Lasagna. With all the above ingredients. I think all It needed after that was Tomato sauce and seasoning. I was leery about trying it but It was delicious. I had been hiding from these ingredients for no reason at all and better yet, they are great for you!

 

So in light of all that (and my new menu planning) our Menu for this weekend:

 

Last Night: Buffalo Chicken Garbage Bread and Potato Skin Sliders

I realize there are no vegetables here, but both of these I've never made and I had never tried Sour Cream...it was a must.

 

Click HERE for the Garbage Bread Recipe

Click HERE for the Potato Sliders

 

Tonight: Tonight is date night so no Dinner at home. I promise I'm going to try something new at the restaurant! I promise! But this is what I had for Break fast.

I made these last night because it specifically says that this is a breakfast on the go.

Egg Muffins: Breakfast meat of choice (I chose ham) Vegetables of choice (I used onions)

Cheese and 12 eggs. Layer the ham, onions, and cheese and pour the eggs around it. Cook 25-30 minutes on 375. Store in the fridge and reheat as needed. It was Lightner family approved!

 

 

Saturday: I'm excited about this meal! Jalapeno Popper Chicken, roasted asparagus, and I found a copy cat recipe for Red Lobster Biscuits. If all goes well, I'll post the links!

 

Happy Eating!

 

 



Blizzard Vs. Earthquake

 

Over the past two years Bill and I have been married, I've looked back and thought, how did we ever happen? We are two very opposite people. Within the first few days of knowing each other we made a lot of plans and to my surprise he kept inviting me places. I honestly thought, "Is this some kind of sick joke?" Seriously! The very night I met him I was wearing a pair of Cargo Capris a homemade Tye-dye t-shirt, my hair was in a pony tail and I could bet my life on it that I didn't have a drop of makeup on. Then there was him. Honestly all I remember was that he didn't have a shirt on....that was enough for me.

We had the same taste in goofy Irish songs and we both enjoyed listening to comedians in the car.

I still remember the day we heard Dane Cook's "Nothing Fight"

He sets up the scene of a couple at a grocery store and he was listening from an isle over. They were bickering over Jelly.  The man would simply ask if they had Jelly in their cupboards and she would reply with "Well, I don't even like Jelly" You get the picture, it's a nothing fight. Not a life or death situation and it's probably the reason 50% of marriages end in divorce. Meaningless fights.

We loved this sketch and laughed at these people. Then it happend to us. I was 6 months pregnant and we had been married for 9. Looking back this wasn't a significant amount of time for Bill to get used to my non-hormonal side.

Just an FYI I was born with an overwhelming love of sweets. Multiply that 1000x when I'm pregnant. Hence why I look like an elephant in my maternity photos. It's not pretty. I've actually cried over Junk food before. Bill wanted to do something nice for me by taking me to DQ. I had been asking for a Brownie Earthquake for a while now. We drive up the screen to place our order and Bill says he'd like a brownie blizzard....and that's when Hell froze over. In his recap he says I sounded something like Linda Blair saying " I said I want a brownie Earthquake NOT a Blizzard". He made some joke about them both being weather related and I didn't find it funny. It spiraled out of control from there. This was a nothing fight. I was literally arguing whether I wanted a Brownie topped with Ice Cream or Ice cream with brownie chunks. We rode home in silence. Watched TV in Silence. It's one of those moments where you don't even want to crack a smile at the TV. Do not show one bit of Joy in a nothing fight.

I can't even remember what happened next. Who gave in first and who apologized. These nothing fights lead to nothing but unnecessary silence and wasted time.

My big joke is that I say there are times that I want to rip Bills brains out, but them I'd miss him too much the next day. He says if he has to put up with me for the next 50 years there will probably be years where he doesn't like me very much. But he'll always love me. And if all we really have to fight about is Ice Cream, then I'd say I'm pretty lucky.

 

 



Pinterest Photo Blocks.

 

 

I have always thought of my self as a Clearance shopper. Spending $20 on a pair of shoes or Jeans has always been out of the question. When I lived on my own I walked everywhere that I could and cut costs if possible. If I got a gift card for Christmas I couldn't fathom using it on 1 thing. It was out of the question. I would head to the Clearance section and get 5 items instead of one. Even if it was December and I couldn't wear these shirts for another 5 months I had stretched my dollar to the max. Among being Cheap, I won't even call myself Frugal, I'm cheap...

 

So as a cheap woman trying to make a home I love to cut corners in the Decor area and Budget DIY is the perfect way to do it.

 

 

I started off with 4x4 block, perfect to work with a 4x6 photo

 

I spray painted them Black. I wasn't worried about complete coverage cause I was going for a "rustic" look

 

I'm missing a few steps in between but all it takes are some 4x6 photos and Mod Podge.

 

I tore the photos to get an edgy look and put Mod Podge on the block AND on the photo. It gives it a complete seal. It dries clear and looks something like this!

 

 

Sauerkraut Scented Victory

 

When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. - Joseph Campbell

 

When entering into a marriage, both partners generally discuss the sacrifices to be made.

Where to live, how to discipline your children, who will work, and etc.

Generally, the idea of "having to make certain meals" never comes up in the said discussion.

Another one of my "things" you should know about (Yes I have a lot of "things") is that I worry about Smells, odd I know. On a daily basis I battle the lovely scents that only multiple toddlers can make. So, it's no wonder why I have candles and warmers going all day. I would rather have the scent of "Tahitian Coconut" or "Warm Baking Spices" any day than Pork and Sauerkraut, yeah that's what I was rambling about.

 

When Bill and I first met, we spent every waking minute together. His preferred meal of choice at the time was Boiled Chicken Breast. It tastes as boring as it sounds. I however made meals consisting of Sugar, Trans Fat, Carbs, and so on. On one of the mornings I was preparing Deep fried Donuts I had run to the grocery store to buy some OJ. And let's be honest I didn't want to be reading Labels when I could have been staring at my Boyfriend.
A few hours later, when I had managed to make it home to my apartment for the first time in days, I got a call from Bill. It went something like this:

Bill, "I realized we are even more perfect for each other"
Me, "Um, really, why" (Thinking, yeah I am pretty great)
Bill, "You bought OJ with Pulp"

At this point my expression had gone blank and I probably said something along the lines of "Yeah I love Pulp". I could care less about Pulp, and if it was the one thing separating Bill and I being together for the next 40-50 years I could suck it up. Nevertheless I had made a minor sacrifice. Soon after we were married it was New Years time. Pork and Sauerkraut Time. I hate Pork and Sauerkraut and I refused to let the smell penetrate my Apple Pie scented Paradise I call home. A few days ago, during our weekly chat with his sister, she casually mentioned she was making Bills favorite meal, you guessed it, Pork and Kraut. Going strong for 2 years, I knew I had to give up on the battle. I broke down and decided to put it on the menu, if only to say that I made it.

"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."

Searching for Greatness...or atleast Normality

 

So far we have discussed a few of my least favorite attributes.

I'm a worrier. I'm impatient. I'm beyond competitive. And the problem I'm battling now is being a "finisher"...is that a word?

 

I live in an instant world, and that's the way I've always liked things. I "buy it now" on ebay. I'll prepare for things months ahead of time instead of waiting (I've been Xmas shopping since May) and I'd rather leave the store with a lesser version of something than leave with nothing at all. So when I started on this journey, I wondered to myself if I could actually do this. Can I stay motivated to make myself a better person, wife, and mother? This is something I've always struggled with; being a better version of myself. I use mascara and cover up....because that's what I know how to use. I wear ponytails because hair styling is a foreign language to me. And my fashion sense has always been a little behind on the times. I settle for being comfortable, when I know I'd rather be outside of the box.

 

As a senior in High School, we picked adjectives to place in the yearbook that described our personality. I chose; offbeat

This describes me to a tee.

I was a Percussionist (drummer) in the Marching Band who also Played Volleyball.

I did Speech League and Drama club, yet I can bevery shy. 2 years later I'm still getting used to the fact that in Bill's family they are "Huggers". And I'm a great leader who loses motivation when I don't yeild results.

Out of all the things that I am, I refuse to add Quitter to the list.

1 day in the last 9 I didn't do a project and I didn't like the way it felt.

Improving myself will not be an "instant fix"

It's a process that I am enjoying to the fullest

 

1. I baked desserts with ingredients I usually turn my head at (Pumpkin and Apple)

 

 

2. I'm preparing my Children for the Future

 

 

 3. I spoke with Kindess and lets face it...I bit my tongue

I appreciated when I could have coveted

 

 

4. I made several new meals

and have planned for several more

 

 

 5. I've gotten this far in knitting my Scarf...or bookmark

 

 

6. I'm getting more organized

 

 

 

 

 

". . . I want it said of me by those who knew me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow."
-Abraham Lincoln